Success: What it isn’t By John C Maxwell

The problem for most people who want to be successful is not that they can’t do it. The main obstacle for them is that they misunderstand success. Maltbie D. Babcock said, “One of the most common mistakes and one of the costliest is thinking that success is due to some genius, some magic, something or other which we do not possess.” If that’s not right, then what DOES it mean to be a success? What does it look like? First, let’s talk about what it DOESN’T look like: Many of us have a wrong picture of success. Frankly, the majority of people misunderstand it. They wrongly equate it with achievement of some sort, with arriving at a destination or attaining a goal. Here are several of the most common misconceptions about success: 1. Wealth: Probably the most common misunderstanding about success is that it’s the same as having money. A lot of people believe that if they accumulate wealth, they’ll be successful. But wealth does not bring contentment – or success. Industrialist John D. Rockefeller, a man so rich that he gave away over $350 million in his lifetime, was once asked how much money it would take to satisfy him. His reply: “Just a little bit more.” King Solomon of ancient Israel, said to be not only the wisest but also the richest man who ever lived, said, “Whoever loves money never has money enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income.” Even Greek millionaire Aristotle Onassis recognized that money isn’t the same as success. He said, “After you reach a certain point, money becomes unimportant. What matters is success.” 2. A Special Feeling. Another common misconception is that people have achieved success when they feel successful or happy. But trying to feel successful is probably even more difficult than trying to become wealthy. The continual search for happiness is one of the main reasons that so many people are miserable. If you make happiness your goal, you are almost certainly destined to fail. You will be on a continual roller coaster, changing from “successful” to “unsuccessful” with every mood change. Life is uncertain, and emotions aren’t stable. Happiness simply cannot be relied upon as a measure of success. 3. Possessing Something Specific and Worthwhile. Think back to when you were a kid. Chances are that there was a time when you wanted something really bad, and you believed that if you possessed that thing, it would make a significant difference in your life. When I was nine years old, it was a red and silver Schwinn bicycle. Back then, the thing to do in our neighborhood was to race around on our bikes. But I was riding an old hand-me-down bicycle, and I had trouble keeping up with the kids on newer bikes. But I figured that if I had that new Schwinn bike, I’d have it made. I’d have the newest, fastest, best-looking bike among all my friends, and I’d make them all eat my dust. On Christmas morning, I got my wish. And for a while it was great. I loved that bike, and I spent a lot of time riding it. But I eventually discovered that it didn’t bring me the success or long-term contentment that I’d hoped for and expected. That process has repeated itself in my life. Over the years, I found that success didn’t come as the result of possessing something I’d wanted. Possessions are at best a temporary fix. Success cannot be attained or measured that way. 4. Power. Charles McElroy once joked, “Power is usually recognized as an excellent short-term anti-depressant.” There’s a lot of truth to that statement, because power often gives the appearance of success, but even then, it’s only temporary. You’ve probably heard before the quote from English historian, Lord Acton: “Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely.” Abraham Lincoln echoed that belief when he said, “Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.” Power really is a test of character. In the hands of a person of integrity, it is of great benefit; in the hands of a tyrant, it causes terrible destruction. By itself, power is neither positive or negative. Nor is it the source of security or success. Besides, all dictators eventually lose power – even benevolent ones. 5. Achievement. Many people have what I call “destination disease.” They believe that if they can arrive somewhere – attain a position, accomplish a goal, or have a relationship with the right person – they will be successful. At one time, I had a similar view of success: I defined it as the progressive realization of a predetermined worthwhile goal. But over time I realized that definition fell short of the mark. Simply achieving goals doesn’t guarantee success or contentment. Look at what happened with Michael Jordan. In 1993, he decided to retire from basketball, saying that he had accomplished all the goals he had wanted to achieve. And then he went on to play baseball in the minor leagues – but not for long. He couldn’t stay away from the game of basketball. He played again from 1995 to 1999. Then he retired again – for a couple seasons. He played his final seasons 2001-2003. Playing the game was the thing. Being in the midst of the process. You see, success isn’t a list of goals to be checked off one after another. It’s not reaching a destination. Success is a journey.

How to know you’re out in front By John C Maxwell

When You Get Kicked in the Rear,
You Know You’re Out in Front

Greek philosopher Aristotle said, “Criticism is something you can avoid easily—by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” Obviously, that isn’t an option for anyone who wants to be successful as a leader.

Good leaders are active, and their actions often put them out front. That often draws criticism. When spectators watch a race, where do they focus their attention? On the front-runners! People watch their every action—and often criticize.

Since criticism is a part of leadership, you need to learn how to handle it constructively. The following has helped me to deal with criticism, so I pass it on to you.

Know yourself.

Do you really know yourself? Are you aware of your weaknesses as well as your strengths? Where do you fall short as a person and leader? Not sure what your weaknesses are? Ask five trustworthy people close to you. They’ll be able to tell you where you come up short.

Know the criticism – and the critics.

When you receive criticism, how do you tell if it’s constructive or destructive? (Some say constructive criticism is when I criticize you, but destructive criticism is when you criticize me!) Here are the questions I ask to get to determine what kind of criticism it is:
■Who criticized me? Adverse criticism from a wise person is more to be desired than the enthusiastic approval of a fool. The source often matters.
■How was it given? I try to discern whether the person was being judgmental or whether he gave me the benefit of the doubt and spoke with kindness.
■Why was it given? Was it given out of a personal hurt or for my benefit? Hurting people hurt people; they lash out or criticize to try to make themselves feel better, not to help the other person.

Stay open to change.

Let’s assume you now know yourself pretty well. You can tell when a criticism is way off-base; maybe it’s directed more at your position than at you. And you know when a criticism is 100% legitimate because it’s about a weakness that you’ve already discovered.

But what about the gray areas? The criticisms that might hold a grain of truth? A good leader stays open to improvement by:
■Not being defensive,
■Looking for the helpful grain of truth,
■Making the necessary changes, and
■Taking the high road.

Accept yourself.

Jonas Salk, developer of the Salk polio vaccine, had many critics in spite of his incredible contribution to medicine. Of criticism, he observed, “First people will tell you that you are wrong. Then they will tell you that you are right, but what you’re doing really isn’t important. Finally, they will admit that you are right and that what you are doing is very important; but after all, they knew it all the time.”

How do leaders who are out front handle this kind of fickle response from others?



The Serenity Prayer, made famous by Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-step programs, gives direction in this area:

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

If you have endeavored to know yourself, and have worked hard to change yourself, then what more can you do?

Forget yourself.

The final step in the process of effectively handling criticism is to stop focusing on yourself. Secure people forget about themselves so they can focus on others. By doing this, they can face nearly any kind of criticism—and even serve the critic.

I try to live out a sentiment expressed by Parkenham Beatty, who advised, “By your own soul learn to live. And if men thwart you, take no heed. If men hate you, have no care: Sing your song, dream your dream, hope your hope and pray your prayer.”

As leaders, we must always be serious about our responsibilities, but it isn’t healthy for us to take ourselves too seriously. A Chinese proverb says, “Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves. They shall never cease to be entertained.”

***

My friend Joyce Meyer observes, “God will help you be all you can be, but He will never let you be successful at becoming someone else.” We can’t do more than try to be all that we can be. If we do that as leaders, we will give others our best, and we will sometimes takes hits from others. But that’s okay. That is the price for being out front.