Where is my world coming to? I wonder if there is anyone out there who can lay claim to having sublime peace without a single thought of worry for the passing day?
I sit and marvel on the turn of events facing us as a people; The rising cost of living, widespread insecurity , stark contrast the rich and the poor, Unending vitriol from a befuddled citizenry to its equally inept government, a fraught economy, colossal job losses and much more.
You see, lately I have been a victim of my own preaching. I pride myself in being an eternal optimist; am positive thinker; a man who always sees the glass as half full. A mastermind of sorts that is kept on a strict diet of any motivational materials available. Given my way, I’d even challenge the need for darkness and night before its loving creator . Such is my fascination with the Good, The Brighter and the Happy. For instance, In The case of a headache, I was taught that I just needs to re-arrange and focus my body mechanism to align the energies that are out of sync to help bring back the system balance back on track and as such the “pain” is diminished via the power of the positive –thought aligned mind. Wow! But here’s the thing, I’m Broke, lonely and my otherwise decent world is falling apart. I’ve sank into the abysmal depths of nothingness; At least to the very best of my knowledge .All my sustained efforts to summon my valued beliefs and teachings on positive thinking and eternal optimism have recently failed. Resultantly, I find myself silently cursing the system, laying blame on all the women, watching endless trash tv and talking in my sleep. I diligently avoid my clique of new thought converts preferring the quiet alleys occasioned with the usual commoners. I tuck my cherished collection of motivational cds and books and glossy magazines are duly displayed and religiously read. In turn, I’ve become an “IF” and not a “WHEN” person. “I WISH” instead of an “I WILL” person. Deterioration at its best. So is there help for me? Has it all been a waste of my time? Is this the real me? I wonder as I silently envy those who are constantly on the diligent path of positive re-affirmation while here I am huddling at the pavement of the beaten path of obscurity.
No! No! Not really! My mind seems to refuse .Its just a phase. Like any well-intentioned person out there. I am sure someone can identify with me. All is not gloom. The wave has hit its trough but in time I’ll ride to its crest. The cast shadow just means there is light somewhere. My song has just hit its bridge and it’s about to turn an octave higher. Beep! Beep! Beep! Goes my pulse and that only mean one thing; that I am alive and that’s a good thing, right?
So I guess I’ll appreciate the moment, treasure the good and try to understand the underlying meaning of the bad. For every yin there is a yang. Try to be a little easy on myself and kind to others out there trying their level best. I suppose I’m still human. Here’s the deal, How come those so called Motivational gurus and thinkers don’t front themselves and say, Hey look. I’m really having it rough and I am on the brink of giving up .I am not asking for much but just for them to only appreaciate the moment when their guards are down with the trials of life and not wait until all is well and the situation is faithfully triumphed then we see them on tv, in seminars and their books paraded among the best seller lists .So pardon my manners, I am just making an honest admission and admitting to my inadequacies for the whole world in real time that yes, I’m having it crazy right now but all the while being reminded of a verse from the wisest man to have lived which says “There’s a time for everything.A time to weep and a time to dance..” and right now; sob, sob sob! You get my drift.
(c) jazzkuria
