Life's Purpose

You can find your life's purpose in your values

We all need a reason for living and the stronger the reason, the more motivation we have. You can think of your life's purpose as something you do, such as being a good parent, or good husband/wife. Or, you can think of your purpose in terms of achievement such as being successful or helping others. I found that a better way to distinguish my purpose from my achievements, which can be ego driven, is to focus on my values. I demonstrate my purpose every day through my actions in the way I treat people and the way I react to life's challenges. Who you choose to be is the code of honour that you live by.

Unfortunately most people have never really thought about their values in depth, they usually have a vague idea but not enough to give them a clear sense of purpose. Knowing and living according to your values has a number of benefits. Firstly by making a commitment to demonstrate your values on a daily basis you have a very clear code of ethics and standards to live by, this makes it easier to respond positively to the ups and downs of daily living. Secondly, by choosing to act on these values you break the pattern of reacting, and this is how you change old beliefs and create new beliefs about yourself. And most importantly acting on these values makes you feel happier.

Let me give you an example of how this works. If a person cuts you off just as you are about to drive into a parking spot, think about how you want to act . If you reacted you might be tempted to make a rude gesture, give the other driver a black look, scream abuse or mutter to yourself ¾ you could even go so far as to let another person's actions spoil your day. Or, you can make a conscious choice to act like the person you choose to be. If, for instance you choose to be a kind person you might let the other person have your parking spot. You might even feel irritated for a short while, but you will feel good about yourself and the way you behaved therefore turning a potentially negative experience into something positive. Acting on your values is a form of self mastery.

When you react you give your power away. All you have to do is observe the world around you and you will see people reacting constantly, and it doesn't make them happy. When you consciously choose to act on your values you not only feel good about yourself, you reinforce your chosen beliefs. When you act consistently on your values your perception about what you can be, do and have changes, and the world in turn changes its perception of you.

When you give you also need to receive otherwise it's easy to burn out or become resentful and the easiest way to create a healthy balance between giving and receiving is to know and then live by your values. I break values up into two groups which I call being and having values. Your being values are the character traits of the ideal person you would like to be. I suggest to my clients that they choose three being values that they are willing to make a commitment to live by. An example of some being values are: kind, loving, generous, inspirational, peaceful, wise and even powerful. By acting on these values you give to others through your actions and you inspire others by being a positive role model. Mastering being these character traits becomes your life purpose.

Your having values are the feelings you need to create in order to be happy. These could be companionship, achievement, support, being valued or financial security. This is what you receive and value. You take responsibility for filling your own needs by taking steps to create these feelings and conditions in your life.

When you make a commitment to live by your being values it becomes easier to make conscious choices rather than reactionary ones. If your usual pattern is to talk about your problems, you could choose to think and act like a calm person. A calm person might go for a walk, meditate, or set a time limit before responding. If your usual pattern is to worry, you could choose to act like a responsible or wise person. In other words you would act like the person you choose to be ¾ this is the key to personal power.

When you choose to act on your values you not only feel good about yourself, you reinforce your chosen beliefs. Over time acting in this way changes how you perceive the world, and in turn the way other people perceive you.

Anne Hartley
http://www.hartlifecoaching.com.au

What are your Fears keeping you from doing?

By John C Maxwell



In a speech in 1933, American president Franklin Delano Roosevelt, addressing a nation mired in a Depression and on the verge of a world war, famously stated, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” During the first century A.D., Epictetus said, “It is not death or pain that is to be dreaded, but the fear of pain or death.” And in the 1600s, Francis Bacon remarked that, “Nothing is terrible except fear itself.”

Fear is universal. It crosses all boundaries of race, culture, religion and generation. We all feel fear. So why do some people appear to be fearless, doing battle with enemies that others cower before? Because they recognize that the greatest enemy they face is the fear itself. The first battle every hero faces is against fear and its weapons of destruction.

So how should we deal with fear? Avoiding it never really makes it go away; we either become paralyzed or defeated. Frantically searching for a quick fix usually just results in unfocused and wasted effort.

The only way to deal with fear is to face it and overcome it. Dale Carnegie explained it this way: “Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” Here are some actions you can take to face and overcome fear:

Discover the foundation of fear

The fact is that most fear is not based on fact. Much of what we fear is based on a feeling. According to an old saying, “Fear and worry are interest paid in advance on something you may never own.” And Aristotle explained, “Fear is pain arising from anticipation of evil.”

When you acknowledge that the majority of fear is unfounded, you can begin to release yourself from its power. American general George Patton understood this. He said, “I learned very early in life not to take counsel of my fears.” Businessman Allen Neuharth saw his worst fears come true, only to realize that they weren’t as big as he’d imagined: “I quit being afraid when my first venture failed and the sky didn’t fall down.”

Admit your fears

One of our biggest misconceptions is that courage equals a lack of fear. In actuality, the opposite is true. Mark Twain explained, “Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear.” By admitting our fear, we can then challenge its accuracy.

That’s how General Patton dealt with it: “The time to take counsel of your fears is before you make an important battle decision,” he said. “That’s the time to listen to every fear you can imagine! When you have collected all the facts and fears and made your decision, turn off all of your fears and go ahead!”

Accept the frailty and brevity of life

Sometimes our greatest fears are founded on reality. For example, we are all going to die sometime. There’s no denying that. Likewise, life will often be hard and painful. Those things are completely out of our control. By accepting their reality, we can then focus on the things we actually can control.

I love what Gertrude Stein wrote about fear: “Considering how dangerous everything is, nothing is really frightening.”

Accept fear as the price of progress

“As long as I continue to push out into the world,” said Susan Jeffers, “as long as I continue to stretch my capabilities, as long as I continue to take risks in making my dreams come true, I am going to experience fear.”

To do anything of value, we have to take risks. And with risk comes fear. If we accept it as the price of progress, then we can take appropriate risks that yield great reward.

Develop a burning desire that overcomes fear

Sometimes the best way to fight fear is to focus on our reason for confronting it. Is it bigger than the fear? The firefighter runs into the burning building not because he’s fearless, but because he has a calling that is more important than the fear.

The person afraid of flying decides to confront it not because the fear has vanished, but because a meeting with a new grandchild awaits at the end of the flight.

Focus on what you can control

We cannot control the length of our lives; we can’t control many of the circumstances that we face. Accepting those facts allows us to focus on what we can control. Like American basketball coach John Wooden said, “Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.”

As a leader, I often have to deal with the wrong attitudes and actions of the people who follow me. So a long time ago, I decided that,

I can control my attitude, but not others’ actions.

I can control my calendar, but not others’ circumstances.

And it’s not what happens to me, but what happens in me.

Focus on today

Fear tries to make us look at all of our problems at once: those from yesterday, today, and tomorrow. To be courageous, you have to focus only on today. Why? Because it’s the only thing you have any control over.

I love what a wise man once said about an ocean liner: If an ocean liner could think and feel, it would never leave its dock; it would be afraid of the thousands of huge waves it would encounter. It would fear all of its dangers at once, even though it had to meet them only one wave at a time.

By focusing only on what’s right in front of us, we can manage tremendous risk because we know we’ll only have to deal with it one wave at a time.

Put some wins under your belt

Just like fear tends to breed more fear, courage leads to more courage. According to Eleanor Roosevelt, wife of Franklin Delano Roosevelt, “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

The more we face our fears, the more capable we begin to feel, and the more fears we are willing to face.

Do it now

Often, all it takes to conquer a fear is to change our focus and try some of the above suggestions. As we realize what’s true and focus on what we can control, the fear naturally fades and weakens. But there are other times, when no amount of thinking can overcome the fear. In fact, the more we think in those situations, the more fearful we become. Then, the only solution is action.

As W. Clement Stone said, “When thinking won’t cure fear, action will.”

It is the wise person who accepts that fear is a very real part of life, and it must be faced and overcome with courage. By taking action in the face of fear, he or she achieves results and becomes more courageous.

Another American president, Harry S. Truman, said it this way: “The worst danger we face is the danger of being paralyzed by doubts and fears. This danger is brought on by those who abandon faith and sneer at hope. It is brought on by those who spread cynicism and distrust and try to blind us to our great chance to do good for all mankind.”

2011 follow up resolutions

A new year is here with us and with it a new hope and a future that is virtually pregnant with a basketful of blessings; As I would like to think of it!
With it comes the resolutions and to-do lists that inundate our diaries and sticker pads to keep us in the straight and narrow path of success. That said, I do have a couple of “resolutions” but more of a general follow ups from ones made last year.

The least of all is to be “present” in the moment at all times. I got up on this one sometime last year and as much as it may sound a bit atypical, if you think about it, we miss it a lot of times that it costs us big time in the long run. Being “present” basically means to be acutely aware of the precious opportunity, obstacle , person, etc that is about and around you at any particular time; that has been “presented” to you to help you , encourage you and ultimately guide you to the next level you have been seeking to go to. Amazing!! yup, easier done than said! Trust me!

Another follow up resolution will be to continue to support my baby steps gained in achieving the hard trained – PMA – “Positive Mental Attitude”!Basically, Keep sending and thus receiving the positive vibes every time. If there is one thing that I have diligently stuck too religiously last year was this. And I hope to reap maximum returns as the sower’s adage informs.

To love and let love.
To persevere the hard and difficult times courageously so Help me God
To be always grateful for everything in my life
To seek a higher level in my walk with God! This is crucial in helping me self-actualize a piece at a time.
To keep up with the mentorship program that has helped me grow and I also identify people to mentor and pour out what I have gained.

….Just to list a few. Care to share yours?


© jazzkuria